The Twilight Showing
by Shadow Dancer666
Summary: Mello is a huge fan of the Twilight series and drags Matt to the midnight showing. What adventures will the come across and will Matt be able to survive watching the movie? One-shot. Crack; MelloxMatt; WARNING: foul language from the both of them


**XD Yet another sad attempt at humor for me! Hurray! Ok, so this was brought about when a friend of mine dragged me to the much talked about movie Twilight. Of course, we couldn't just go to the movie the next day, it had to be the midnight showing. Before that, he refused to shut up about the damn book and movie. :) So, although I'm not quite a hater of _Twilight_, I've just heard enough of it to make me sick. **

**Oh well. So this story was kind of based on my experience at the theaters and the hours we spent sitting down waiting for it to start. Please enjoy! (and don't forget to review)  
**

_9:03 PM_

"Gah, it's fucking cold out here!" Mello complained as he shoved his hands deep into his leather pockets.

His breath fogged in front of him, a mockery of that filthy habit his lover Matt indulged in. The said lover was engaging in the said habit as they both made their way to the large, already-packed movie theater.

"Matt, that shit stinks," the blond grumbled knowing full well that the dark-haired man was going to ignore him and keep puffing on the poison-stuffed stick.

Predictably, Matt just nodded as he took another long drag. As they made it into the large foyer, a burst of warm air hit them in the face. Mello sighed happily and pulled his hand out of Matt's grip so that he could talk to the ticket lady. Matt hung back and stared at the huge winding line that was almost to the point of extending to the cold outside.

"Sheit," he drawled around the nearly finished cigarette hanging out of his mouth. As soon as Mello came over, he crossed his striped arms stubbornly. "I'm not standing in that fucking line," he stated bluntly making Mello raise his eyebrows.

"But Matt-"

"I said no!" he growled, cutting off the blond. "I'm not standing next to all those freaks!"

Another round of fanatic screaming for someone named Edward echoed in the lobby as if giving support to his statement.

"Matt-"

"I said no! Besides, why are we even here so fucking early?"

"Just-"

"Can't we go home and wait a few more hours?"

"Matt-"

"No."

"Matt."

"Nope."

"Matt!"

"I said no!"

The dark-haired man immediately recognized that he had made a very stupid mistake when he saw Mello's self-control snap.

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY!!! We don't need to fucking stand in the damn line because they're already seating those at screen five where is where our motherfucking tickets are for!!!"

The entire lobby went silent as everyone stared at the pissed blond and his cowering boyfriend. A little girl looked ready to cry.

"Now put out that damn cigarette, and let's get to that fucking movie!"

Matt nodded docilely and stubbed out his cigarette on the sole of his boot before he followed the stomping man. The lobby remained quiet for only a moment before the ticket lady was swamped with crazed _Twilight_ fans.

The brunette felt pretty stupid as they made their way to the room. It wasn't often that he argued with Mello, especially in public, but he had been really nervous. He didn't like being around a bunch of people and a bunch of screaming girls and boys wearing Team Edward shirts was sure to give him a panic attack. He knew that Mello knew about his social claustrophobia, but he had assumed that the eager blond had ignored that fact just so that they could see this damn movie. Now he felt guilty for thinking so little of his lover. He shyly reached out to brush Mello's hand affectionately, but the blond pulled his hand away angrily. Matt winced, mentally berating himself.

"I'm sorry," he tried, hoping that Mello couldn't resist his syrupy apology.

Still, Mello refused to acknowledge him. Sighing, he caught a hold of Mello's wrist and pushed him into the wall in front of Screen 5.

"Let go, bastard," Mello hissed.

Matt's free hand took a hold of the blonde's chin and forced him to look into apologetic eyes.

"I'm really sorry; I should have known that you were thinking about me."

"Got that right, motherfucker," he replied a little angrily, trying to look away from his lover's sad face.

Matt leaned in and gave his lover a slow sloppy kiss, hoping that Mello would at least accept that. Mello untensed and kissed back slowly, using his free hand to stroke the younger man's cheek.

A few giddy squeals made them pull apart as a group of chattering girls rushed past. Matt interlaced his fingers with Mello already feeling much better and much loved. How could he ever think that some stupid movie was worth more to Mello than he was? Upon entering the theater, though, that train of thought flew out the window. Scattered across the numerous seats were little groups of _Twilight_ junkies who gladly spent precious hours of their lives protectively guarding their turf (aka their and their friends' seats). Even more people were filling the seats by the minute.

"Mello…" he growled in agitation, his left eye twitching.

"Don't be a crybaby," Mello replied heartlessly as he dragged Matt to a couple of seats open at the far back. "Since we're here early, the people will be trickling in slowly, so you'll have plenty of time to adjust to them."

Yep, his Mello was a selfish bastard.

"At least let's sit closer up so we can see it better."

And be closer to the exit of course.

"No way," Mello snorted. "Unlike you, I'm not used to sitting with my face right up against the damn screen."

After ten minutes of useless bickering, Matt conceded his loss and pulled out his handheld game. Mello was more than happy to ignore him and stuck his nose in the fourth book of that damnable series.

_9:29 PM_

Only a few minutes passed before the gamer habitually popped a cigarette into his mouth. Before he could even pull out a lighter, Mello snatched the cancer stick right out of his slack jaws.

"Hey!" he protested before Mello gave him a scalding glare.

"No smoking in theaters."

"What the heck? I need a cig right now!"

"Aren't you wearing a damn patch like I told you to?"

Matt looked down guiltily and fiddled with the controls some.

"It's not the same," he mumbled unhappily making his lover sigh in exasperation.

"Here, try two for now, ok?"

Mello dug through his pockets and pulled out two wrinkled patches. Holding one in his mouth delicately, Mello took the other one and slipped his cold fingers under the stripped shirt. Although awkward, it didn't take him long to pat the nicotine patch on the dark-haired man's arm. Smiling at his younger lover, Mello ran his cold hands over Matt's perked nipples before he repeated the entire process with the other patch. Although it still wasn't the same as smoking, the nicotine rush was enough for the gamer at the moment. He went back to catching Pokèmon and Mello went back to reading his book.

_10:07 PM_

"By Shiva!" Matt complained as he scratched at the patches.

"By what?" Mello snorted in amusement.

"Shiva, a kick-ass babe monster from the Final Fantasy series."

"Ah, one of your game things."

"Yeah. Damn it all!"

"What's wrong?"

"I need a cig," Matt begged, turning off his game and stuffing it in his pocket. "I need it really really bad."

"But you've got two patches on, Mattie!"

"They're not working right," Matt replied, jutting out his lower lip in a pout.

Snapping his book closed in annoyance, Mello stood up, his leather pants riding a little low.

"You can stay here reading your book," Matt offered softly, stroking the back of the blonde's hand with his own.

"Nah," Mello replied as he set his jacket down on his seat. "Leave your game so that no one steals your seat."

"What if they steal my game?" Matt complained as he set the dark handheld on the cushion.

"They'll be doing me a favor," was the snide reply.

The two edged their way around the growing crowd and made their way back to the lobby, where Matt went out to smoke and Mello stood in line for some food. The dark-haired man tossed the used nicotine patches on the dirty cement and watched in amusement as several immature teenagers were screaming about that damned Edward guy and some people who wore plastic fangs were hissing and prancing around like a bunch of idiots. Good thing he wasn't like that. He only cosplayed as cool characters from ass-kicking games and anime. After finishing his third cigarette, his crappy old cell phone began buzzing.

"Aye?" he answered with a bad imitation of a Canadian.

"Check your damn phone ID," Mello replied angrily. "Now get your fat ass over here and help me carry our food."

"Yes sir."

With that, Matt was back inside the warmth and he sauntered over to his eternally pissed lover. There were two huge buckets of popcorn which had already been drenched in butter, twelve Hershey bars, three M&M bags, one super nacho slathered with cheese and buried under jalapenos, and two large sodas. Yeah, it was really nice to have more money then you'd ever need. Mello balanced everything but the chocolate and his soda in the younger man's arms and they headed back to the theater.

"Thanks for not putting meat on the nachos," Matt told his lover, not minding that he had to carry so much garbage.

Mello only nodded in response as he munched on one of his chocolate bars. The theater was even more packed than when they left, but Mello shoved the younger man along. There were some girls in the seats next to theirs and as they sat down, the girl closest to Matt squealed in happiness.

"Oh, I'm so glad that there are guys in here!" Matt smiled weakly, trying to get her hand off his arm. "Did your girlfriends drag you here?" she asked cheerily. Mello and Matt shared a look before nodding in unison. "Well, good luck," the nosy girl said with a wink.

Matt just shook his head and began focusing on the meal before him.

_10:33 PM_

"My butt hurts," Matt whined making Mello glare at him. "You can sit on your fucking ass for an entire day without complaining when you play your stupid games, but-"

"Games?" the brunette replied before realization dawned on him. "Oh shit!"

Tossing his nachos and popcorn bucket on Mello, he jumped up and retrieved his unfortunate handheld game.

"Did you break it?" Mello asked curiously.

"Ah, um, I don't think so."

After fiddling around with the small machine for a little bit, it beeped to life making the gamer sigh in relief. Mello also sighed in relief, happy that his boyfriend's game was unhurt.

"Sit your ass down," he commanded and the younger man obeyed.

Once seated, all of his food was piled back on. Smiling softly, he watched as the blond dumped even more M&Ms in his buttery treat before stuffing his nose back in the book. Matt munched on his jalapeñoed nachos happily for a few minutes before taking one of the chips and holding it out to Mello. The blond eyed the fat green jalapeño for a moment before accepting the food into his mouth.

Purposely, he licked the gloved fingers of the hand that fed him and he gave the gamer a sultry wink. Chuckling to himself, he noticed that Matt's breath hitched and even the darkness couldn't hide his blush. Pleased with his boyfriend's reaction, Mello sat back and once again turned his attention to _Breaking Dawn_.

Being a huge fan of the _Twilight_ series, he had obviously read the final book more than once, but it helped him get in the mood. He had read one through three at home earlier. Matt shook his head, silently cursing Mello and his talented tongue. This was going to be a fucking long night.

_11:15 PM_

The all-too-familiar curse of frustration slipped passed the brunette's salty lips.

"Damn it, the battery died!"

The group of girls directly to his left began giggling, and he just stared at the blank screen as if his will alone could bring life to the drained battery. No such luck there. Tugging on Mello's leather sleeve, he whined like a spoiled little kid.

"Mellllooooo, the battery died!"

"That's why I told you to bring a book," the blond replied unsympathetically.

"But I hate reading," he mumbled still tugging on the shiny black sleeve.

"Tough luck then."

Matt rested his head on Mello's arm and sniffled pathetically for a little bit. When his boyfriend still refused to react, Matt tried again.

"Please talk to me, Mello, or I'll die of boredom!"

"You'll be doing me a favor," the older man replied meanly.

Hearing that, Matt sat back in his chair and glared at the blond until Mello couldn't take it anymore.

"Fuck, you're such a whiny bitch!" he snarled as he snapped his book shut.

"You're the fucking bitch," Matt retaliated. "You're the one who likes this gay ass movie and just _had _to drag me along! I didn't even want to see something so ghetto!"

"Eh, did you just say 'ghetto'?" Mello asked, that single word making him completely forget what they had been arguing about.

Pausing to think about it, Matt soon came to the horrifying realization that he had indeed used the word "ghetto".

"Fucking Ifrit, I did!" he said clasping a hand over his mouth.

"Who the heck is Ifrit?" Mello asked, once more amused with his lover's strange vocabulary.

"Another kick-ass monster thing from Final Fantasy."

"Ah. You still used the super gay word, 'ghetto,'" he teased.

"Ugh, I feel like I'm back in high school," Matt groaned.

"You just got out, dipshit."

"…oh yeah. Still, it makes me shudder."

"Weirdo."

_11:53 PM_

After talking for a little bit, Matt decided to take a nap before the movie started. All was good until some idiot accidentally shut off the lights in the tense theater room. Hundreds of voices rang out in a melodic fangirl (and fanguy) screech. Such a noise easily woke up the antsy gamer, making him look around nervously for the source of the unnatural war cry.

Taking a minute to come back to reality, he realized that the only danger would be if he tried to stand between the crowd and the silver screen. Since he had no intention of doing such, he was safe.

"Mngh, is tha mova starthing?" he asked Mello in the middle of a yawn.

"I don't know, but it shouldn't be. We've still got six minutes."

Pulling up his goggles, Matt rubbed at his eyes while he took a long sip of his soda. Then, an all-too-familiar discomfort in his nether regions that had nothing to do with arousal took hold of the gamer.

"Um, Mello?"

"What?" he snapped back irritably.

Matt winced at the tone, but he had to tell the blond now before the movie started.

"I need to take a piss!" he hissed squirming in his seat. There was a pause.

"You're joking, right?" the ex-mafia leader asked in his most threatening voice. Matt shook his head. "Then go, you don't need me there to hold your dick."

"I can't go alone! I need to refill my soda, but I can't take it into a disgusting public restroom!"

Glancing at his watch, Mello cursed before standing up and grabbing the front of the younger man's shirt.

"I swear, if I miss even a second of anything playing on that screen, you're dead."

"I thought you loved me," Matt whimpered.

"Love's a bitch, Mattie."

Not wanting to waste anymore precious time, the blond dragged his boyfriend out of the theater and tossed him into the stinky restroom. Not missing a beat, he charged to the counter, bought a new drink, and went back to pick up his idiot of a boyfriend. Matt appeared in the doorway just in time to be hauled towards the theater. Everything was a blur as they practically flew up to the top row seats. The second Mello's butt hit his seat cushion, the screen flickered to life eliciting yet another eardrum-shattering roar of fanish glee. This time, it really did start.

_12:00 Midnight_

As usual, the theater's cheesy self-promotion flashed first. Matt took that time to settle in his seat better and to adjust his snacks to his liking. The soda _had_ to be on his left so that Mello couldn't knock it over, the popcorn hat to be on the right so that his buttery and salty hand didn't smear the butter or salt on the outside of his cup, and the nachos needed to be on his lap. Yeah, there was no reason for that, it just needed to be like that.

The corny commercials came up next, catching the gamer's eyes. These clips would probably be the only entertainment he would have all night. Predictably, all of the commercials sucked, but they were enough to make Matt snicker. He always did have a strange sense of humor. That flick with the two battling brides nearly made him split his side laughing, but a good whack on the back of his head from Mello was able to stifle it to nothing more than a contained giggle.

Finally, the main event. An annoying voice filtered through the speakers as the camera followed a cute baby deer.

"Aww, it's Bambie," Matt cooed to his older lover.

He did find it strange though. Why would there be a cute defenseless deer making an appearance in a vampire mov-

"HOLY SHIT!!" he screeched as the shadowy figure took down the little baby animal. "Mello, he fucking killed Bambie!" the brunette shrieked. "That's animal abuse!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Mello hissed, trying to watch the movie.

"But he _killed_ Bambie!" the vegetarian sniffed quietly.

Trying to soothe his boyfriend so that he could hear the damn movie, he intertwined their glove clad fingers and gave the younger man a peck on the cheek. Thankfully, that was enough to placate Matt. Throughout the rest of the movie, Matt tried to keep quiet so that Mello could enjoy it. A few minutes into Twilight, however, and he found himself admiring the beautiful profile of his enraptured boyfriend.

Mello was so engrossed in the movie that he didn't even notice Matt's staring. Squeezing the other's hand tightly, he enjoyed the rest of the night between watching the blonde's expressions and watching the silly movie.

_2:28 AM_

In all honesty, the movie didn't suck as bad as he thought it would have, so Matt had been pleasantly surprised.

"That scene wasn't supposed to be funny," Mello bitched as they made their way back to the freezing car.

"What scene?" Matt asked, happy that they were still holding hands.

"Where Bella walks in the classroom and the fan blows her scent to Edward."

"Oh, the look on his face was fucking hilarious," Matt replied as he took another drag.

"It wasn't supposed to be! Edward is supposed to give her a bloodthirsty look, one that frightened her!"

"I like it better this way." Matt sighed happily. "I needed a good laugh."

"I didn't say it was bad," Mello stated as they parted hands to get into their seats in the beat-up red car, "it's just wrong."

The brunette started up the clunker before leaning in and giving Mello a soft kiss.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" he asked sweetly.

Mello nodded as he brushed his fingers over the other's soft lips.

"Did you?"

Smiling around the cigarette at the memory of Mello focused on the giant screen like a little kid, he nodded slowly.

"Carlisle was a fine piece of ass to watch and that Edward wasn't too bad."

THWACK!!

**So, I hoped you all enjoyed it! Sorry to any _Twilight_ fans I may have insulted! Please review and let me know what you all think. **


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